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I saw a few of your posts and am glad you enjoyed your most recent visit to the US. Yours are the pictures I most enjoy! You really could make a tidy little side income selling travel guides or even calendars. You could make several calendars -each one focusing on a certain area or theme paths less traveled, churches, etc. Still can't believe all that troublesome, wearisome spam has been banished.
And now go where you must.
I needed to say those exact words to you last December, but I didn't know how to. Thank you.
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Thank you so much. Now stay the hell out of my life. I have never loved so much, or felt so loved, as when I was with you. I have never been hurt so much by anyone.
You were the most positive force to ever enter my life. You changed everything. You were also phenomenally destructive to my sense of self, forcing me to fight for every choice I'd ever made, casting judgment and shame on the path I had taken to survive.
If I had been watching this happen to someone else I would have ed it abusive. I can't bring myself to think that about you, but I know that that word is lurking in the background, one version of truth. We're done, and there's no going back. I've been batting at shadows and boxing at ash for months now, hoping you might appear. Not because I think there's a future for us, but because there's still this gaping open wound in my life where you used to be and I haven't been able to stop touching it, opening it up over and over and over again.
And now it's time to stop that. It's time to let you go, and let myself move on, and be happy. I messed up our goodbye by not being able to say it and mean it.
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I kept holding on. I'm sorry for the grief that may have caused. I'm saying it now. I mean it now, and I understand it now, as much as I ever will.
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